FAMILY

Here it is....blogging about my family. Oh Lord TODAY....am I ready? Apparently.

Short Synopsis (most of you know this already anyway!): Born Mach 22nd, 1970, Single Mom. Had an affair with married man (he had 3 kids), dunno ANYTHING else about him, do not CARE at ths point. (If ANY of you refer to me as a "bastard". "out of wedlock" or "illegitamate"....I will find you...and kill you...)

Raised in a SMALL conservative town. My mom was called all sorts of names....sorry, still not ready to go there.
If any a woman was a candidate for abortion...she was IT! She was from a poor farming family..."he" was a "richy-rich" and a "name" in our small town.
My mom was Pretty, VERY pretty.
"He" was smooth, and he lied, and he had money.
And "he" had a family...children...and a wife who...(wait for it...)...DID NOT UNDERSTAND HIM.............

And my mother, bless her, wanted to BELIEVE him. She wanted to be LOVED. She wanted to be....SOMEONE...

And she WAS....until....OH LORD. PLEASE! NO!
He doesn't love me, does he? What about his wife? His kids?
What will my parents say?...How will I care for this.....oh, help me.

And there I was. And I did not know.
I was a cute baby (OF COURSE!!!), and she loved me. And her family loved me.
And he never saw me. And he could care less.

Yes, fine. I had trouble with men. I made bad choices. I was looking to "save" them...and myself.
I wanted to make it right. To show "him" I was worth Something.
Anything,
I think "he" came toher funeral, maybe.
I think I spoke to "him"....maybe.

He seemed shocked to see me. At 28. A real Human being.
Not a "mistake". Not an "illegitamate child". Not a "bastard".

A REAL living, breathing person.
With FEELINGS.
With THOUGHTS.
With a SOUL.
I was Real.....I AM real.
I AM a REAL person.
I DO Exit.
I AM human.
I. Am. Not. A. Joke.
I. Was. NOT...a MISTAKE.
I'm HERE.
I miss HER so much.
"Him"...no...not at all.
But, he should miss ME....because I was worth it.
I AM worth it.
Right?